Yupsters, we need to talk.
About how so many of us register at Williams-Sonoma when we get married or move to a new house. About how we might turn the pages of its catalog with such loving fingers, about how we aspire to a certain kind of cook's heaven where everything you could possibly envision doing in the kitchen has a very specific appliance or utensil designed just for that purpose. About how Williams-Sonoma seems hellbent on perpetuating this myth in our lives by trying to sell us more shit we don't need.
Let's get one thing straight -- all you really need to cook a decent meal in the kitchen is 1) a knife and something to cut on, 2) a pan, 3) something to stir with.
I've seen at least 1 or 2 Williams-Sonoma catalogs floating around Garry's apt, and I've been downright appalled at the unabashed waste it so gleefully promotes. I experience similar shock and dismay when I somehow find myself at a Sur la Table store. I'd like to share some of the more absurd items I found and humbly ask: why in heaven's name would anyone actually NEED that? I'd love to hear about a) your favorite unnecessary kitchen item or b) your argument for their existence.
Williams-Sonoma Products (and what I would use instead)
Salad Scissors $24.00 - it's called regular kitchen shears! or a knife!
Nutmeg Grinder * $25.00 - it's called a coffee grinder, or regular grater!
Batter Dispenser * $29.95 - it's called a measuring cup!
Icing Spatula $32.00 - it's called a knife!
Straight Rolling Pin $18.00 - it's called a wooden dowel!
Avocado Slicer * $15.00 - it's called a spoon + knife!
Mozzarella Slicer * $25.00 - it's called an egg slicer! Or (gasp) a knife!
Brining Bags, $16.00/Set of Four - it's called a ziploc bag! Or a bucket!
Avocado Masher * $20.00 - it's called a fork!
Chocolate Bar Brownie Pan $29.00 - ... you're kidding, right?
Pizza Sticks Pan & Cutter * $24.95 - it's called a knife! Or a pizza cutter if you wanna get fancy!
Other Products
Pig & Cow Molds $59.00 - ... I have no words for this.
Quesadilla Maker * $29.00 - do you think the Mexicans use a quesadilla maker?
Cake Tester * $2.50 - it's called a freaking toothpick/chopstick/knife!
Cinderella Waffle Maker * $34.99 - awwroaraargh
Oster Egg Cooker * $32.00 - it's called a pot
Treat Dipper * $44.99 - it's called a pot!
Tomato Slicer - it's called a knife!
Ceramic Pie Weights - it's called a can of tuna or something!
* Hint: if the product name ends in an "er," especially the word "maker," you probably don't need it.
